Tuesday, October 29, 2013

My Worlds Collide

When I am away, I often feel like I lead a double life. I have this life at home that I miss dearly. My people, my places, my past and the home that I will return to... and then I have this life here. And one of the most beautiful, but weirdest parts about my life here is that no one at home really knows it. My people, in reality, have no idea what my life has looked like for the past six months. There is something very refreshing about this. I can go away and be whoever I want to be, independent from where I come from, but all the same, it is terrifying that the people who mean most to me can't picture the world I am currently living in. People try... they read my blog, stay in touch, ask questions, and listen to my stories, but this is a world you can't believe until you see it. This is a world that has changed my life forever, shaken up everything I know to be true, and altered my view of the universe.

How wonderful it was to have these two worlds collide in the tiniest bit for a few days this last week.

 
Though I missed the rest of the family being here... having Christina here was one of the most beautiful parts of my experience in Costa Rica yet. Getting to walk through the streets of the slums I have come to know and love so well, with my sister, the woman I admire and respect more than anything in this world, was a dream come true. Everyone loved her just as I expected them to. Going to the home of Nicole, a young girl who is helping her family overcome hunger, crack addiction, domestic violence and a state of poverty unlike any I have ever seen, and translating for she and Christina both as they shared their stories, their strength and their love with one another was one of the most powerful moments I have ever experienced. And watching as tears poured from Nicole's mother's eyes, overcome by the ounce of hope that she found in Christina's story. Hope for she and her family, as well as hope for this world.

How special it was to have my sister by my side, spreading love in this dark, broken place with me.

How special it was to have her meet my Tico family... the people who have loved and taken care of me so well for the past 6 months...

And special doesn't even begin to describe how it felt to have her accompany me as I took my six little girls to the beach; the first time five of the six of them had ever seen the ocean.

When people think of Costa Rica, the first thing they think of is beautiful vacation beaches, rain forests, and more birds and animals than we could ever imagine. The last thing we think of are the little girls who have lived here since birth, yet who have never left the slums they call home, much less imagined traveling to the beach. We don't think of the teenage mothers who go days without eating, giving all of their nutrients to the babies they're breast-feeding;
the little girls whose eyes grew large and happy as we told them they could eat as much as they wanted for breakfast, and who ate plates of food as if they'd never eaten before; the little girls who have been forced to grow up way too quickly, nevertheless spent hours on end crashing into the waves of the ocean, burying themselves in the sand, and enjoying a once-in-a-liftime chance to be happy, carefree and innocent;
little girls who have seen more violence, darkness and pain than you or I could ever imagine, yet are still so full of joy and just craving love.

 
 
 
Every time I am with these six girls, they teach me something new... from Joselin, proving that a teenage girl can overcome having no positive influences in her life, and find it in her own heart and soul to be the one of the most incredible, loving mothers I have ever seen; or Carolina, a girl who was closed off, angry, full of hate when I met her six months ago, and who with love, support, and knowing that people believe in her has blossomed into one of the most sensitive, caring, thoughtful girls I know. Six young girls who are all so very different, and who think I hung the moon, have showed me more about endurance, perserverance and strength than anyone ever has. And it was an honor to share a day with these six beautiful angels and my sister, as well. It was one of the most meaningful days I have yet to live.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6

Thursday, October 17, 2013

How to Survive

Once upon a time there was an island where all emotions and human sentiments lived. Sharing the island was Fear, Wisom, Love, Worry, Envy, Hate... They were all there. Despite the occasional arguments, life on the island was tranquil, and even predictable. Sometimes the routine put Boredom to sleep, or Impulse created some sort of scandal, but more often than not Convience and Perserverance managed to calm Discontent.

One day, unexpected to all, Wisom called a mandatory meeting. When Distraction and Laziness finally arrived, all were present and Wisdom began, "I have bad news for all of you. The island is sinking."

"No!! How is that possible?!? We have always lived here." They all exclaimed in unison.

So Knowledge repeated, "The island is sinking."

"But it can't be...Maybe you're wrong."

"Knowledge is never wrong," responded Conscience, accepting the truth. "If he says the island is sinking, then the island is sinking."

"But what are we going to do?!" Asked the rest.

"Of course every one of you can do as you please," Knowledge began, "But I suggest that you all find a way to leave the island... Build a ship, a boat, a raft, or anything else that allows you to go... Because he who stays on the island will disappear with her."

"Can you help us?" They asked Knowledge, trusting his abilities.

"No," he said, "Foresight and I have built a plane and as soon as this meeting is over, we are going to fly to the closest island." And with that, Knowledge boarded the plan with Foresight - as well as Fear who was hiding in the stowaway cabin - and together they left the island.

Immediately, all of the emotions then began to build rafts, vessels, sailboats... All... Except for Love. Love, who was too attached to everything on the island said, "Leave this island...after all this time together!? How could I leave this lovely tree, for example? We have shared so much!"

So while all the other emotions were constructing that which would carry them away from this island, Love climbed every tree, smelled every rose, walked down the beach and rolled in the sand as he'd always loved to do. He touched every rock and ran his hand down every branch... 

When he reached his favorite spot on the beach, exactly where the sun goes down, with the naivety of a lover he said, "Maybe the island will sink for a moment, and then resurface... Why not?" And so he stayed there sitting, for days and days, watching the shoreline closely, trying to determine whether or not the reversal of the island's descent was reversable. 

With every moment the island sunk a bit more, nevertheless, Love couldn't think about leaving because it was entirely too painful. All he could do was cry. Yet as just as he was mourning for all that he was losing, it occurred to him that the island was very big no although it would continue to sink, he could always find safety in the highest point. Anything was better than having to leave. Therefore once more, he touched every rock on the shore, felt the sand between his fingerst, and walked along the water on the tiny beach that was once so large.

And every day the island sunk a little bit more. Every day, Love found refuge in a smaller piece of the island. "After all we have been through together..." He exclaimed to the island, when at last only a small piece of firm ground remained - the rest had been covered completely by water.

And it was in that moment that Love realized that the island really was going to sink. He finally understood that if he didnt leave the island, Love would disappear forever from the face of the earth. So he walked down the flooded paths, hopping over enormous puddles, and made his was to the harbor. There was no longer a possibility to make an exit like all the others; he had lost too much time denying that which he was losing and crying for that which was disappearing, bit by bit, right before his eyes. With his fellow emotions still in sight, he had the hope that he could explain his situation to one of the, and that they would understand and take Love with them. 

Intently watching the ocean, he saw Greed in his vessel and began to make signals to him. risk approach the Harbor.

"Greed, you who have such a large vessel, could you take me to the neighboring island? I have suffered so much for the disappearance of this island that I couldn't build a boat."
 
And Greed answered him, "I am so weighed down by money, jewels, and precious rocks that I don't have room for you. I am sorry," and continued his journey forward without looking back.
 
Love remained watching and saw that Vanity was coming in a beautiful boat full of decorations, trimmings, marbles, and flowers of every color. It was very attractive. Love craned a bit and yelled, "Vanity, Vanity, take my with you!!!" Vanity looked at Love and said, "I'd love to take you, but you look awful, so dirty and unkempt... Sorry, but you would lessen the quality of my boat..." And he left. 
 
And so Love asked for help from every one of the emotions.... Constancy, Jealousy, Sensuality, Indignation and even Hate. And when he thought that no one else would pass, he saw a tiny boat approaching... The last one... It was Sadness.
 
"Sadness, sister," he said, "You know me so well, you won't abandon me here... You are so sensitive like me, will you take me with you?" And Sadness answered, "I would take you, I am sure of it, but I am sooooo sad... That I prefer to be alone," and without saying anything else, he left. 
 
Love, poor thing, realized that for having been so attached to these things that he loved so much, the island was going to sink in the ocean until it disappeared. So he sat on the last piece of the island, waiting for the end... When all of a sudden he heard someone whisper, "psst...psssttt...." It was a strange old man who was calling him from a small rowboat. Surprised, Love answered, "Who?? Me!?!" Raising his hand to his chest. "Yes, yes," said the man, "You... Come with me. Board my boat and row with me. Ill rescue you." Love looked at him, dying to explain, "What happened was that.... "I understand..." Said the old man without allowing him to finish. Love boarded the board and together they began to row themselves to the next island.
 
It wasn't long before they watched as the last piece of the beloved island went under and the island disappeared forever. "There will never be another island like that one," whispered Love, hoping the old man would contradict him and give him some hope. "No," the old man said, "Like that one, never."
 
When they arrived to the neighboring island, Love realized that he was still alive... He finally realized that he was going to survive.
 
As he turned around to thank the old man, he saw that without saying a word, the man had mysteriously disappeared. So Love, very intrigued went to search for Wisdom, so that he could ask him, "How is it possible? I didn't know him and he saved me... All the rest of you left me, but he helped me.... He saved me and I don't even know his name."
 
Wisdom looked at him with his large eyes and said, "He is the only one who is capable of helping Love survive. When the pain of a loss made you think it was impossible to go on... When you seemed to have absolutely nothing left... The one who saved you, and will always save you, Love, is Time."