10 Days

It feels like just last week that I tearfully hugged my precious papa goodbye and boarded the plane for a semester abroad in Spain. I will never forget the car ride to the air port, when I managed to stop crying only long enough to tell my dad that there was no way I was going to make it; I couldn't possibly spend 4.5 months away from him, and away from home. But I did make it, and to this day I still look back on that semester as the bravest thing I have ever done, and one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had.

And now I am right back where I was a year and a half ago. I am anxiously counting down the days until I step out of the safety of my life in Nashville, and take a leap into the unknown. Though I am overcome with excitement, I am equally terrified. Terrified of living with a family about whom I know nothing, who doesn't even speak English; terrified of spending 6 weeks outside of the routine I love so very much; terrified about not having my little Coop to snuggle with when I'm cold and lonely in the middle of yet another sleepless night; terrified that I won't have any clue how to teach English to a classroom full of Spanish-speaking children in the slums of San Jose. But as I take a deep breath and allow myself to feel the power of my fears, I remember the topic of my small group not too long ago: the paralyzing power of fear. Scripture states that the opposite of fear is faith; we can choose to walk by fear, or we can choose to walk by faith. Today I choose to walk by faith. My dad puts it perfectly when he frequently recites to me a mantra he learned in AA, "I can't; God can. I think I'll let him."

I can't control what happens on this next adventure, much less this evening. I can't control the poverty of the children I will meet in Costa Rica, or the hopelessness of their parents who can't provide for them. I can't control whether the next six weeks are a life changing adventure, or if I break my foot the first day and have to be sent home. I can't control if my host family serves me some foreign meat the very first night, or if my showers are a little bit cold. So if nothing else these next few weeks are going to cause me a bit of discomfort, which is exactly what my Spirit needs; forcing me to find comfort in Him and lean on Him rather than on the luxuries of home. I think it will be that and SO MUCH MORE... and I can't wait for the challenge.

"When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way."
Paulo Coel