Monday was just overwhelming. Many of the girls I had gotten very close to left on Sunday, and a whole group of new volunteers showed up, including two new girls in the room with Robin and myself. They were fine, and have already left to go to the turtle conservation site, but it was just a disruption to the routine I have been creating over the past month. While I usually go to Maximo two hours early to read Pete's Empty Promises in Spanish, when I went Monday it was so loud and hectic that I couldn't even think. I put a smile on my face and embraced the excitement of new faces, but inside all I wanted was a taste of normalcy. By the end of the day I found myself remembering that I am not here to be comfortable and to find a simple routine. I came here because I was too comfortable with the safety and routine I have in Nashville, I believe Monday was just a little reminder from Him that I am here to grow, to push myself, to be challenged... Not to be comfortable.
Tuesday was more of the same... Not quite as overwhelming, but instead just a little lonely; lonely because I was isolating myself...I don't know what makes me do that at times, but I do. I don't know if it's because I am afraid of getting too close to people, or if it's because I just like to be with myself and think, or what... But it's a battle I am constantly fighting to overcome. I think particular day, much of it had to do with the fact that the rest of the girls, including Robin, that i have gotten close to here are leaving on Sunday, which means that challenge, yet again, of putting myself out there and opening up to new people; finding new people. When the typical afternoon monsoon began around 2, as I was waiting to get picked up to go teach, I just wanted to sit in it, let it drench me, wiping away all this nonsense that was going on inside me. But then I got to my project and was reminded that besides being here to push myself, I am here to love. As I rubbed on the belly of the 17 year old girl, Jocelyn, who is now 10 months pregnant, I was reminded that this experience is not about me... It is about showing love to the boys and girls who are just dying for a hug, a compliment; to feel safe. Pulling the smiles, laughter, and intelligence out of these closed of children certainly began to rejuvenate my spirit.
Wednesday, yet again, started off hard and emotional. For a few hours my heart was open, raw, shattered, but then I felt the arms of the support system I have already created here holding me up. The hugs, the smiles, the love, and the kindness I received was all I needed to begin to mend the wounds. Robin and Manny, one of the Maximo staff members I am close to, came to my project with me with their sole intent to keep a smile on my face. My house mom held me close to her heart, and told me I always have a safe home with her. A complete stranger even offered me her kindness. Though these days are never fun, it is amazing how clearly you can see the people who really care, who really matter, when things get hard. Our lives are constantly being bombarded by all the evil, corruption, and violence that exists in our world, but there is truly so very much beauty as well. I was reminded Wednesday that God created us to be in relationships and to love on one another; that afternoon I felt very loved.
Finally got a picture of El Triangulo, where I teach Wednesdays and Fridays.
Then finally, yesterday was a good day all day. It was beautiful outside, I got some good time to myself to run and to read, and I also spent a lot of time with some of my favorite people here. Then at my project, I finally got one teenage girl, who has been resisting me for nearly four weeks, to open up, to smile, to accept my hugs, and to try. There is nothing more rewarding. Then the day ended with a beautiful home cooked meal with my favorite Tico family, who I already love like they're my own. 
And today was spent at the beach. Because Robin and our other dear friend Natasha leave tomorrow, I took the day off from Spanish, and we all took off from our projects, and we spent the day at our favorite beach together one last time. It's amazing the friendships that can created when your hearts are open, and we all know we are here for the same reason, with the same values. Breaks my heart that these two are in Canada, because they're two of the most precious souls I've yet to meet. They will be missed. Robin is so loved here that tonight, our family actually threw her a little going away party. We had a huge, delicious meal, homemade cheesecake for dessert, and it was great practice for me to translate the dinner table conversations from Spanish to English (RObin doesn't speak Spanish). Though the week started off pretty rocky, it ended pretty great, and though I am heart broken that Robin is leaving me and that I am going to be all alone in my room at my home stay this week, I look forward to all the wonderful things that are to come and can't wait to grow even closer to my beautiful Costa Rican family!
No comments:
Post a Comment